Derman Pharmaceuticals introduces new fluency pill

By Kelly Kass

Developed by Derman Pharmaceuticals, the medication “is aimed to help people become better communicators, facilitating the flow of language and helping people think and speak more clearly,” explains Derman spokesperson, Lana Stevens.

Communicators we interviewed were over-the-moon about the new product.

“I frequently have to write speeches for my company’s CEO and sometimes the words just aren’t flowing. It’s comforting to know that I can take a little pill and all of a sudden, create paragraphs of good copy for my boss to present,” marveled Page Turner, an IC manager from upstate New York.

Goodbye job security?

On the other hand, COMMUCLEAR has comms consultants a bit on edge. With the development of a drug that promises to enhance people’s written and verbal skills, will people’s livelihood now be at risk?

Romain Jean, an IC consultant from Rennes, France, n’est pas content. “If people can go to the chemist and purchase a drug to make them better communicators, why on earth would they want to give consultants like me thousands of Euros to present writing workshops and tips on improving employee publications?”

Just to be on the safe side, Jean plans to enroll in a course to become a pastry chef so he can have another career to fall back on. “I might have to go from advising on company newsletters to making éclairs but so be it. I have a wife, two sons and a mistress to feed,” Jean says.

As Derman Pharmaceuticals waits for COMMUCLEAR to be approved in multiple countries across the word, Jean-Francois can rest easy meanwhile. The drug - which is available as solid tablets or liquid gels - is currently being tested on a small group of users in Greenland before being made available to the wider public.

Side effects

Like most drugs, COMMUCLEAR isn’t without a few side effects. Test audiences in Greenland reported having headaches and dizziness within two hours of ingesting the drug. Some even reported a change in handwriting, which Stevens considers a positive result:

“Studies have always shown that the smarter a person is, the worse his/her handwriting is. Just look at doctors – can you honestly make out what they write in their prescription pads?”

Derman Pharmaceuticals remains optimistic that COMMUCLEAR will eventually be put on the market. So much so, that they’ve already contacted simplyexperience to do their product launch.

In the meantime, we’ll continue to keep our thesaurus and spell check handy.