CEO speeches on YouTube!

  First published in Ragan Communications Speechwriters' Newsletter

YouTube searches for “CEO speech” and “corporate speech” and “hilarious speech” yielded a glimpse into an alternately exciting and scary future, as the speeches speechwriters write begin to make their way out of the conference ballroom and onto the Internet:

Hilarious speech bloopers. Highlighted by Apple CEO Steve Jobs fumbling and bumbling during a Mac presentation. “I’ve got a little bug here … Eddie, Refresh? … Well that’s why we have back-up systems here. … It’s pretty awesome when it works.”

“Hijacking the press conference,” is a clip showing an environmentalist, after a speech by General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner, taking the stage at the L.A. Auto Show and asking Wagoner to sign a pledge committing GM to become the leader in fuel economy by 2010. Wagoner, at first taken aback, is fast on his feet. He thanks the man for his “support,” and says, “I’m sorry you have to leave now.”

Much worse, another video, apparently made in the aftermath of the Wagoner incident, is labeled, “GM guy rants at environmentalists.”

In the video, the “GM guy” says, “There might be some things wrong with the cars available at the market today, but you know, the people who build those are very competent people… . And they’re doing the best they can under very difficult situations. And for some moron who maybe has like a few years of college listening to some fuzzy-headed professor who has leather patches on the elbows of his jacket to talk about, you know, we ought to do this and that and this, is complete nonsense. Those people have no idea what they’re talking about. This is the best country in the world. They ought to be thankful they’re living here… . And that guy ought to be taken out behind this building and thrashed. And I’m more than twice his age and I’m still capable of doing that.”

Only by reading the comments is the viewer apprised of the fact that the ranter isn’t Wagoner or anyone else at GM, but rather automotive journalist Don Fuller.

If you can meet ’em, you can bore ’em. Vijay Chandru, chairman and CEO of Strand Life Sciences delivers, from behind a desk in an office that puts us in mind of a local State Farm Insurance office, a six-minute, monotonal snooze-athon about his company.

“So what makes Strand Life Sciences such a special company?” he begins, as if we’ve been staying up nights wondering the same thing. Then he says wearily, “Well, it’s obviously a combination of factors. … ” So obvious, in fact, that we didn’t bother to hang around.

A bilingual motivational speech from someone called Datuk Zul at an Amway convention somewhere in Asia. Two innovations: He translates his own speech—alternately speaking in English and in an Asian language—and his audience members applaud with “thundersticks,” those ridiculous balloon-like things you see at sporting events.

CUNA CEO Dan Mica says serving people of “modest means” is a “win-win.” A two-minute excerpt from a speech at the 2006 conference of the World Council of Credit Unions.

And finally, the inspirational speech given to Harvard graduates last year by Seth Macfarlane, creator of the TV series, The Family Guy: “You think you can hold onto those lofty visions of a life of nobility, hmmm? Still have your ideals, do you? Gonna use that big brain of yours to make a difference? Gonna make the world a better place? Be an agent for change? Volunteer? Gonna get a job in the public sector? Sacrifice the big bucks ’cause that doesn’t matter to you? Maybe spend a few years in the Peace Corps? Save the whales, maybe? Maybe join the environmental affairs council? Recycle? … no, you’re going to sell out.”